I suspect the longing that continues to pull at my heart will remain… but spaciousness and loving detachment are possible … and necessary … and will be… and actually, are. So I can only accept what is, and put my attention to the next Unum Necessarium (One Thing Necessary).
My life is, simply, too full of living to stay stuck for too long. The Work must be done, and WILL be done, and will pull me along until each next thing is complete. It’s a fact. I can’t deny much of anything anymore. Your Spirit has opened my eyes, my heart, my very Self… and the rush of You through me… what can I say? Nothing… the words are insufficient. At this point, I have experience upon experience that entrance me with wonder, awe, and breathlessness as I await the next miracle. And all this happens IN SPITE OF my Ego, my pride, and my fear. All this happens while being present to the possibility of Love as I’m seeking You.
If God is Love, then God is not some “thing” out there. God is Relationship … Loving Relationship… Transformative Love in action.
That’s why You can’t be contained or defined. The closest we have to putting a box or label on You is in Jesus. Yet even in Jesus, we can’t contain You… because through the Trinitarian mystery, You changed the world. Death was conquered, our understanding of justice was turned upside down and inside out. The “box” of Jesus, when we look closely, breaks boundaries and spills over into a Christ-soaked world that points to the utterly incomprehensible, mystery of You.
You ARE. That’s it. You are the great I AM, which makes no sense… and which makes the only sense that can be.
Oh my Love! I just ache with yearning for You! I ache with the sweet pain of the almost-but-not-quite-fullness of Being with You. You are right here.. and I almost have You… almost can grab hold of You and cling to You… and then, before I can claim possession, the You I think I know is gone, and I’m left with the sweet fragrance of possibility of You… an incredible longing and desire that is intense, and passionate, and deep… in some ways paralleling the shadow longing and desire and intensity I’m fearful of, but when held in the light of Your Love is wondrous, and playful, and joyful, and so incredibly beautiful, that I want You in a way that spills out Life to others because it fills me to overflowing.
It’s all light & shadow, joy & sorrow, agony & ecstasy held as One.
And oh, my Heart, my Love, my Life… how grateful I am for Your blessing! How awed I am that you allow me the gift of loving You! Nothing compares. How could it?
You ARE.. and in You, I AM.